


i just want you

by slytherfuck



Category: SKAM (Spain)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Coming Out, F/F, First Kiss, Lesbian Character, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 09:56:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18341339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherfuck/pseuds/slytherfuck
Summary: five kisses no one saw and one kiss everyone saw





	i just want you

one

Her knees were weak from dancing and her lungs were filled with the sickly sweet scent of perfume and sweat. She’d let herself be so consumed by the music and the bass, there was nothing else left of her anymore. So she decided to go out, take a breath of fresh air. It all had started to become too much and it was almost impossible to breathe. Too many people around her. She wanted to be alone. 

Soon, she found a dark side alley. She prayed to anyone that was listening that no one was hiding in there. Letting herself slide down the wall, she finally breathed. The air was clean, and it cleared her mind. For a few moments, she just sat there, nothing on her mind but the faint music from the club and a leaking pipe somewhere. 

Then her mind started to fill again. Thoughts, images of her. Of the purple haired girl. Of Joana. Cris had never wanted someone so much before. Not only physically, but spiritually. She needed to be next to her like she needed air to breathe. Sometimes, daydreaming, she got dizzy with the desire to kiss her. 

She heard someone coming. Tensing, ready to fight if necessary, she looked up. But at the sight, she melted back against the wall. It was her. Joana. And she looked as gorgeous as ever. And she was smiling down at her, and Cris couldn’t breathe yet again.

“Hey.” Joana whispered, sitting down next to her.

“Hey.” Cris whispered back, not because Joana did it before, but because their thighs were pressed against each other.

“What a party, huh?”

“Yeah. I just needed to be alone.”

A pause.

“Oh. I can leave.”

Cris turned her head so hard she almost snapped her neck.

“Please don’t leave.”

She cringed at how desperate she sounded. How desperate she was.

“Okay.” Joana’s grin could be heard in her voice.

Silence. Silence, for Cris to sort out her thoughts. Because she couldn’t be near Joana while also wanting to run her fingers through her hair. 

As if on cue, through some sick, twisted joke, Joana reached up and tucked some of Cris’ stray locks behind her ear. Where her fingers brushed skin, it burned. Suddenly, Cris wanted to be swallowed in flames.

Slowly, her eyes travelled up. From where she was staring at Joana’s choker, to her lips, smooth and curved in a soft smile, her nose, her cheeks and, finally, her chocolate eyes.

God, she was so gone she started to compare eyes to food. 

When you look in the eyes of the girl of your dreams, it’s like time stops. The intensity of her gaze renders the world insignificant. All you see is her. And you love it. Every minute of it. 

Joana licked her lips. Her eyes flicked between her eyes and her mouth. and Cris couldn’t help but remember another time, another time when she knew what was coming, she desperately wanted it, but never got it. She cringed inside, thinking she’d jinxed it. She was already expecting some drunkard to stumble in their alley, making them break away, just like all those times before.

But, instead of that, she felt lips on her own. And she melted. It was like her brain had short-circuited, and all she could think was _oh my god oh my god oh my god._

Joana backed away, and that’s when Cris realized that she had just stood there, motionless and _stupid! Now she thinks you don’t want it!_ She scrambled, took a hold of her cheeks and crashed their mouths together again. Her fingers wound through purple hair, her nails scratched her scalp. Joana gasped, and tightened her hold on her shoulders. Their teeth clashed, but they didn’t stop. They’ve been waiting for this for so long. They deserved this. In that moment, Cris knew she would do anything for this, for her. 

But for now, she just resumed herself to kissing Joana until their lips bruised and they got dizzy.

 

two

After their first kiss, they got a cab to Joana’s place. They knew, after all the pining and the tension, that they wouldn’t be able to be away from each other anymore. Cris sent her mom a text, saying she was at Eva’s. The ride was silent, their fingers slightly brushing, and she was shivering, not from the cold, but with anticipation. 

Cris was prepared to slam Joana against a wall and make out with her until the sunrise the minute she stepped through the door. But Joana was faster. She had her held lightly by her hips, gazing in her eyes, dragging out Cris’ want. Slowly, Joana kissed her cheek, her nose, her jaw, her forehead, everywhere, softer than Cris had ever been kissed before. 

They fell into bed, trading lazy kisses, drunk with happiness and something else, until they fell asleep on top of each other, tangled in each other.

 

three

Two weeks later, they were still working on their project. Well, not really, because everytime they met, almost nothing got done, despite Joana’s best efforts. 

“You’re like a puppy. You always want attention.” She once told Cris, who was laying with her head on Joana’s lap and had just grabbed her hand, wanting the girl to play with her hair.

Cris pouted. It wasn’t her fault that Joana was irresistible. She tried to find an animal for her as well, but she could only think about frogs and she wasn’t about to tell the girl of her dreams that she was a frog.

Joana smiled down at her, twirling and tugging at Cris’ hair. Was she braiding it?!

Cris decided to just go with it. She felt so light, the first time in a really long time. The hands in her hair felt so nice, and Joana smelled of cinnamon and she never wanted this to end. So she focused on Joana, and she felt her everywhere. 

With a sweet, smiley kiss, Joana announced her she finished the braid. It was horrible, and Cris loved it.

 

four

Cris was desperate. She was so gone for Joana, and they weren’t even actually dating. Everytime she thought of Joana as her girlfriend, her heart jumped. Did she think of her as much as Cris did? 

Her hands trembling, she knocked on the door. Joana opened, grinning at her, and going in for a hug.

“Hi.” She said, as she kissed her cheek.

“Hi.” Cris said back, blushing. 

Joana’s bedroom was small, but quite empty. Cris wondered why she lived alone, and why she didn’t know much about her yet. But that was for Joana to tell, and Cris won’t force her to do anything she didn’t want to.

As she sat down on the bed, she heard Joana fumbling around in the kitchen. She wanted to ask what she was doing, to tell her to come back, but she didn’t say a word. She was too busy thinking about how everything she had planned to do could go wrong. 

When Joana stepped back into her room, she was holding a bowl of popcorn. Just like their first non-date. Cris’ heart clenched. She had to do this, and she had to do it now, or she would never get the chance again.

“What are we?”

The words had come out so fast, they were barely intelligible. Joana frowned and Cris really didn’t want to say that again. 

“What do you mean?” Her voice was soft as she sat down next to Cris, their knees touching.

The softness of Joana’s eyes was too much, and Cris had to take a minute, look anywhere else but at her to be able to form a coherent idea out of all the thoughts that were swirling in her head. 

“Like… Are we girlfriends?”

Joana grabbed her face, making her tear her gaze away from the duvet on the bed.

“Do you want us to be?”

“Yes.” Cris said immediately, and Joana smiled and she kissed her. Soft, just like her, just like how Cris always felt around her.

 

five

Joana was her girlfriend. Her first ever girlfriend. Did that make Cris a lesbian? 

No. She likes boys. She’s never had a boyfriend, but she would like to have one. Not right now. But still.

Maybe she could do one of those “how gay are you?” quizzes. But they’re never accurate. That’s what Lucas told her the one time they actually had a conversation, just the two of them. He also told her that the world isn’t black and white, and that it’s okay to be in the middle, to be uncertain. 

Well, Cris was certain of one thing, and one thing only. That she loved her girlfriend. 

That was what she was thinking while she waited for the English class to end. But the bell rang and snapped her out of her thoughts. The girls were waiting for her, something about Mallorca. She felt a bit guilty, having been so focused on Joana that she had started to neglect her friends. As she was thinking about her girls, a chilling realization came over her.

They don’t know about Joana.

Does Joana want them to know about her?

“Cris! There you are!” Viri shouted. The girls were all trailing behind her, all smiling at Cris. “I have amazing news!”

“They are really amazing.” Added Amira

“I got over Alejandro! This time, for real, girl. I swear, this is the first time I’ve thought about him today.”

“Well, you’ve also thought about telling this to Cris, so it’s really the second.” Eva said, grinning. 

“Anyway, how are you, girl?” Nora interrupted. Cris quickly understood the tone of her question. It was more of a “where have you been?” She decided not to lie.

“I’ve been busy with my literature project.”

“With Joana, right?”

“Is it true that she’s a lesbian?” Viri said, too loudly not to have been heard by everyone else. Quickly, Cris looked around, and she saw her. Joana had clearly heard it too, and she was staring at her intensely, her face unreadable.

“Viri! You can’t just say that!” Amira huffed, glaring at the girl. 

“Maybe she’s bi.” Added Eva, clearly trying not to laugh. Cris still felt Joana’s gaze on her when she answered.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you ask her, Viri?”

They all started laughing, even Viri, after a few moments. When Cris looked at Joana again, she saw her smiling and making her way towards the bathroom. Instinctively, she knew she had to follow her.

“Sorry, girls. I have to go. See you soon!”

She didn’t even hear their goodbyes. 

Joana was leaning against the wall, her hands in the pocket of her jean jacket. A smirk was playing on her lips, and Cris couldn’t help but mirror it.

“Is it true that you’re a lesbian?” She said, stepping closer to her. Joana put her hands on her hips, bringing her even closer, their noses touching.

“Yes.”

This time, Cris kissed her. Her lips were soft and tasted of strawberry, and the fingers on her hips tightened. Vaguely, she remembered the bathroom door was open, that anyone could walk in on them. But she didn’t care. She just wanted to kiss her girlfriend.

She wanted to kiss her girlfriend in front of everyone, she realised. As good as it was to keep Joana to herself, Cris hated that she had no one to talk with about her. Her friends deserved to know. 

Joana hummed agains her lips, going to kiss her jaw, and then her neck and, even if part of her couldn’t get enough, she broke away, making her girlfriend whine. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Joana raised her eyebrows, but said nothing. Again, Cris had to take some time to phrase her next words. Again, Joana waited. 

“I want us to be out. I want you to meet my friends. They’ll love you, I’m sure. Even Viri, who I’m sure doesn’t actually know how to talk to a gay person. But it doesn’t matter, it’ll be fine. I want us to be out, I want to be able to kiss you whenever I want and call you my girlfriend instead of my project partner or whatever. I really want to.”

Joana was silent, but a different silent than usual. She seemed to be deep in thought. Cris was terrified that she had said something wrong, that somehow she had ruined all of this. But she didn’t dare to say anything, in case it made it worse. Words had never been her strong suit. It was a miracle she had been able to say all that.

“You know why I moved from Argentina?”

She wasn’t looking at Cris. But Cris kept looking at her. 

“Why?”

“Because I got caught kissing a girl in an empty classroom. And then I was the joke of the entire school.”

She stopped, but she wasn’t finished. Cris just kept looking at her, unsure whether she should touch her or just do nothing. Was Joana angry? The thought made her want to cry.

“I was forcibly outed. You see, I wasn’t ready. So, you asked me to come out. And… I’m glad you did.”

Their eyes met, and Joana was smiling. Cris’ heart sang.

“I didn’t have that choice before, but I have it now. Thank you, babe.”

“You’re welcome. Does that mean…?”

“Yes, Cris, I want to meet your friends.”

Cris squealed, throwing her arms around her neck and giving her one of the smiliest kisses ever. 

 

and then…

“Nora, I just realised what your deal is.”

“And what is my deal, Viri?”

“You’re a lesbian!” 

_God, not this again._ Cris thought, looking between Nora and Viri. 

“That’s why you never talk about boys or go to parties. You know, it’s okay. We won’t judge you, right, girls?” 

Eva and Amira did not give any sign that they had been following the conversation. But Cris had. And she could feel Nora’s exasperation as if it was her own.

“Honestly, Viri, not everyone is a lesbian.”

Cris felt, more than saw, Joana coming. After all the time they had spend together, they had become attuned to each other. She would be able to find her in a room blindfolded, she thought. Looking in her eyes, she beckoned her over smiling. Joana smiled too. 

“About that…”

Joana had reached them, and all the girls were staring at them. Cris grabbed her hand, an anchor as she prepared to make it known. 

“This is my girlfriend, Joana.”

She looked down. Joana squeezed her hand. 

All four girls started screaming. Cris laughed, and so did Joana. They kissed, content, in front of the entire world. In the kiss, she tasted strawberry and happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> skam españa is doing the lord's work with this wlw content
> 
> also i'm on tumblr @legitpotato if you like utter garbage


End file.
